Not Without You

I had been talking about hanging up his paintings for several weeks. We had an open space for his artwork in the dining room, and I painted a picture for him of what that area could be. Life seemed much too busy, however, to actually find the time to turn this vision into a reality. But then one morning, with a surge of energy and a fresh sense of motivation, I gathered his masterpieces while he was away at school and got to work on making his own art gallery. Then I stood back and admired such a display—rich purples, greens, blues, pinks, and reds splattered over canvases expanding across three walls. Surely Liam would be surprised and delighted by the finished result. I could barely wait for him to get home. When he did, however, his reaction was nothing close to what I had imagined. He immediately wanted the paintings to be taken down.

I felt completely deflated as I tried to determine a way to convince him otherwise, yet he remained firm on his desire for them to be removed, and since they were his paintings, I felt compelled to comply. Fortunately, he soon considered that I might keep his paintings up if I hung up some of my own, too.

It was a sweet gesture, although nearly impossible as I had not been doing much artwork as of late. Nonethless, I pulled out the one piece of art that I could claim as my own, and that seemed to appease him for the time being, so the remaining canvases stayed on the walls. Today, the walls get fuller as he continues to paint, making this place feel more like a home. I’m glad I had a painting of my own to hang on the wall that day, because that was all it took to come to where we are today. He just needed me to be a part of what he was doing. He didn’t want all the attention or to do it alone.

The interaction I had with my son that day reminded me of a conversation that Moses had with the Lord shortly after the Israelites made the golden calf. Understandably, God was angry with the Israelites for their idolatry and told Moses that He would not go up with him or the Israelites to Canaan ‘lest [He] consume [them] on the way” (Exodus 33:3). He would send an angel before them and defeat their enemies so they could live in the Promised Land. Nonetheless, He would not go with them.

Several verses later, however, as Moses is talking to God, he makes this request of Him:

 If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?”

Exodus 33:15-16 ESV

Although Moses could have had the Promised Land and the fame and success that would have come in safely bringing God’s people to this land, he didn’t want any of it without God’s presence itself. None of it mattered if God wasn’t in it.

Fortunately for Moses, God responded to him as follows:

This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.”

Exodus 33:17b ESV

Lately, I’ve been standing outside the entrance of my own “Promised Land” in some ways. I’m close to seeing a dream come true of releasing my first published work—a children’s book. I have had to continue to delay its release, however, due to errors in formatting. As I continue to address those issues and work toward having a perfect printed copy in hardback and soft cover, I find myself needing to be more like Moses and my son. The truth is, no success, fame, gain, or any other thing matters if God is not in it. Those are all just temporal things that will fade away after we are gone. But if God is with us and at work within us, the things He can accomplish through us will have a lasting effect for all eternity.

Maybe all of these delays have been necessary so that I can realign my heart with His and remind myself that this book is for His glory and His pleasure, regardless of the external results. After all, the Promised Land doesn’t look so promising when devoid of the One who keeps all His promises. Let’s not forget that this life is ultimately about knowing and loving and glorifying Him above all else.