Colleen James

Tag: challenges

  • Problems and Promises

    Problems and Promises

    View of a sunset from outside our apartment in early June

    Before we moved to Kentucky, I stumbled upon a message from a Christian podcaster and author named Susie Larson who talked about occupying our “Promised Land.” In her video, she mentioned how Abraham went to the promised land as a foreigner and how it took faith for him to live there as such. 

    As I listened to her message just weeks away from our own move, I tucked away her message in my mind and the lingering idea that we may very well have our own challenges upon arriving to a new state.  I would soon realize just how true that was.

    We left Uvalde, Texas on May 30th a little before 6 a.m. in the middle of our first trial. Our youngest son was on antibiotics for an ear infection and was barely eating because his mouth also hurt. Listening to his occasional cries of pain as I drove was heartbreaking, and trying to coordinate times to give him his antibiotics and painkillers was a bit tricky too. Nonetheless, we made it through that first day and finally settled into a hotel room for the night a little past seven.

    By 9 p.m., we were ready to sleep when the smoke detector began to chirp. After I located the only hotel staff member on site, both she and JJ tried to resolve the issue, but it continued to sound despite new batteries. So, we were finally transferred to another room and got to bed around 11 that night.

    The next day, we got a later start and made it to our next hotel with no issues around five. CJ was also feeling much better. But just as we were settling down for the night, he threw up on the bed, resulting in several trips downstairs to obtain fresh bedding from the front desk. Fortunately, he slept through the night and seemed to be just fine by the next day. 

    The third day was to be our shortest drive, and I was looking forward to a relatively stress-free day. Twenty minutes in, however, it started to rain and didn’t let up the entire journey. At times, the downpour was so bad that I could barely see. 

    I would later discover that both JJ and I were thinking the same thing as we made that final leg of the journey. We were convinced by now that we were facing spiritual warfare.

    The rain stopped shortly after we arrived to our beautiful, new apartment, and JJ and I moved our stuff into the place as Liam watched CJ in our bedroom, the smoke detector incessantly chirping the whole time. 

    An hour or so later, the maintenance man fixed the smoke detector, fortunately. Unfortunately, it would randomly go off six times within the first two weeks of living here. The last incident we’ve experienced so far was on Sunday morning, and it went off four times in a row, waking the whole family (Is it a coincidence that we found the church we plan to attend here later that day? I think not!).

    In between these last two weeks, we’ve also experienced frustration as we’ve stood in long lines to get new drivers licenses and to deal with car registration, only to walk away empty-handed and with the knowledge that we’ll have to try all over again.

    Although most of these issues have been minor inconveniences that have been especially disheartening due to being newcomers in a relatively unfamiliar place, we’ve also faced some greater challenges more recently. 

    Last weekend, the toe that CJ ran over with his tricycle in the spring started hurting again after he accidentally stepped on it, and I ended up having to have the nail removed on Monday, which has caused me a lot of pain. And just as the pain was beginning to subside, CJ jumped off his bed yesterday and sprained his foot. 

    Home after the toe nail removal.

    I’d be lying to suggest that I haven’t been discouraged by all of these things. Lately, I’ve been praying for God’s protection and no more harm to my family or me.

    And yet, in the midst of all these hardships here, I still believe God has called us to this place. I still believe He has a good future for us here. And I’m still holding onto the verse that Susie Larson included in her video weeks ago and that was scrawled upon a stone that an older gentleman gave me at church earlier this year, that “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him” (I Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬b NKJV‬‬).

    I pray that we grow in our love for God and know Him deeper through this season as we watch Him work on our behalf and for His glory, seeing Him do what no eye has seen and holding onto the promise in Romans 8.

    We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

    Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭CSB‬‬

  • Ebbs and Flows

    Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com of the ocean waves rolling into the shore

    “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

    Job 1:21b ESV

    My oldest son suffered a concussion in late March. He was in PE at school when it happened. Apparently, he got a little carried away with the activity at hand and slipped backwards, impacting the back of his head on concrete.

    The school nurse called to let me know, explaining that she had put ice on the area then later sent him back to class after the pain had subsided. Although it didn’t sound like he needed me to come get him, I decided to pick him up anyway. I figured he probably needed the emotional support if his fall was as bad as it sounded.

    He was called to the school office after I arrived, his eyes bloodshot from crying.

    “Can I see you, Mom?” he then asked.

    I chuckled nervously at such a bizarre question, but then grew concerned.

    “I don’t know. Can you see me?’

    He kept pointing to his right eye, so I covered his left one and asked him again, to which he responded that he couldn’t. Soon after, we were on our way to the emergency room after a quick detour to leave the baby with JJ, who was fortunately home that afternoon.

     The ER was packed that day, and I feared we would have a long wait. Thankfully, we got into triage soon enough, and the medical staff put Liam into a room right away thereafter. Soon, he was taken to get a CT scan. As we waited for the results in his assigned room, he experienced a host of other worrisome symptoms. His arm felt weird and his mouth felt soft (his descriptions), and he all the sudden felt hot, was drowsy, and at one point wanted to throw up. Fortunately, all of these symptoms, alongside his eyesight, cleared up before we left the emergency room that day, and his CT scan did not show any brain injury either. The medical staff diagnosed it as a concussion and gave us precautions to follow for the rest of the week. He stayed home from school the following day.

    On Wednesday, I hesitantly took him back to school, making sure that his PE coach and teachers knew he was not to run or be too active per the doctor’s orders. Although he seemed to be just fine after school that day, he got sick with something unrelated that night and had to stay home the following day. Fortunately, he recovered quickly and was back to school by Friday.

    We had a fairly normal weekend, but then CJ got sick on Monday night with the stomach bug, and I caught it from him that Tuesday. A few days later, JJ started to feel sick, too. CJ developed an ear ache around this time and started antibiotics, and we all were starting to feel well once again. I was glad to have this all behind us. But the following weekend, Liam was not feeling himself, and he caught what seemed to be yet another stomach bug just a few days later. And just as he had recovered from that, he caught pink eye and had to stay home from school once again. During all this, I took CJ back to urgent care, as his ear infection did not resolve itself through his initial round of antibiotics, and as of last night, it was determined at the ER that he must be allergic to the new antibiotics he just started, as he developed a rash and has been having stomach pains also, which may or may not be from the allergy. Time will tell.

    It has been a hard season, and lately I have been feeling discouraged and depleted.

    Back in January, as my family and I were experiencing a different set of inconveniences, I was tempted to peg this year as a bad one. Fortunately, I have lived long enough to recognize that, as hard as a year may be, it’s not all bad. Each year has its set of joys and sorrows. Much like the ocean, life is full of ebbs and flows.

    Lately, as we experience this waning as a family—as the “tide” recedes beyond our reach, I think of how much I need to release to God what I’ve only ever had an illusion of grasping. Now is the time to surrender to Him once more. It’s the moment to ask Him for the willingness to be flexible and for the desire to do His will. Moments like these make us remember that all good things come from God and belong to Him in the first place. Am I willing to surrender these good gifts back into His hands?

    I won’t lie. I don’t really like to be in this place. But while I’m here, I hope I can make the most of it. I pray I can seek to worship God in it. And as I learn to surrender to Him in this season of ebbing, I trust that His love, joy, peace, and so many other good gifts will flow into my life from His good hand.

    “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

    James 1:17 ESV

  • Going Deeper

    Photo by Oliver Sju00f6stru00f6m on Pexels.com of the ocean and shoreline from a bird’s eye view

    My family and I recently went out of town. JJ’s nephew graduated from high school several weeks ago, so we flew to a beautiful area in the northeast to celebrate with him and to visit with family in their neck of the woods.

    The week away was a much-needed break. It was good to get away from the constant reminders of the tragedy that took place here in May, which had engulfed me in deep sorrow ever since that day. My family and I also welcomed the chance to escape the scorching, Texas heat! I packed a sweatshirt for our trip and actually wore it a few times!

    While away, we reveled in the cooler weather as we enjoyed good conversations, nature, some sight-seeing, and my sister-in-law’s delicious home-cooked meals. The week was simply glorious!

    With an extra day on our trip due to a flight cancelation, my family and I took advantage of taking a quick dip in the neighborhood pool our last day, where we were surrounded by mountains on one side and stately pine trees extending high into clear blue skies speckled by fluffy, white clouds. It was the perfect way to bring our trip to a close.

    While there, I intently watched two mothers as they tried to reason with their young children to go deeper into the pool with them. It was the same problem I had been having with my own son as of late. They were at an age where they were somewhat afraid of the water, wanting to either cling to the ledge of the pool for dear life or sit staunchly on the swimming pool steps, refusing to further enter in. Seeing these children act this way as a spectator was somewhat comical. It’s as if they forgot who they were with—that they had their mothers by their sides who would not leave them. Or perhaps they hadn’t forgotten but didn’t fully comprehend who these women were. Maybe they failed to understand that their mothers would do anything to save them, even sacrificing their own lives.

    Fortunately, one of the young children finally mustered up enough courage to acquiesce to his mother’s pleas, and soon he was splashing about, laughing with glee as he glided around on a pool noodle that his mom was securely holding onto. He was finally enjoying the fun that she had intended for him all along.

    As I watched this happy moment, I wondered how often we, as believers, acted like those children in our own relationship with God. When God wanted to take us deeper into some aspect of our lives, did we instead insist on staying on the sidelines, staunchly sitting on our own swimming pool steps rather than following God’s leading into something more profound and purposeful? When presented with a situation that threatened to inundate us, did we forget who was by our side and that He would never leave us? Or did we fail to comprehend who God was and that He would do anything to save us? Because, in fact, Jesus already did. He sacrificed His very own life.

    In all honesty, it’s hard for me to write these words, because I know how much I struggle to go deeper myself. My natural inclination is to want to give in to worry and fear, opting to “play it safe” on the sidelines rather than fully immersing myself in something more meaningful. But maybe that is the precise reason why I needed to write this—because I need to forever remember those kids at the pool and the insights gained that day. And I need to challenge myself in this respect and pray to God that I will be different—that I won’t miss out on the opportunities and invitations God gives me to go deeper with Him in any way.

    Something I keep thinking about as I continue to mull over that moment at the pool is how much those children (and my own) could benefit from going deeper into the water with their moms. They might eventually learn how to swim if they entered a little further, where they had room to splash their arms about and kick their feet as their mothers upheld them and taught them some basic moves. These simple lessons, in turn, could eventually lead to more advanced lessons which would equip these little ones with the ability to swim over time.

    The thing is, you can’t learn to swim if you are fiercely clinging to the ledge or stubbornly sitting on the side. You have to go deeper. Your trust in the one who is upholding you must be greater than your fears. And only there will your fears fade away as you revel in the beauty of the moment. Only there can you learn new things that will open the door to many new adventures to come.

    Similarly, you can’t learn how to have deeper faith, character, and trust in God, nor any other skill with which God would equip you, if you only wade in the water when God is calling you to go deeper.  

    The truth is, He wants to take each of us to places where our feet will no longer touch the bottom, where we cannot sit on the side. But we know that we can trust the One who is leading us because He will uphold us.

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    Isaiah 41:10

    He will help us and teach us what He wants us to know. And we can revel in the beauty of the moment, despite our fears, because we know that God is forever with us.

    When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
        and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.”

    Isaiah 43:2a

    He is with us and will equip us for greater things—many new adventures to come.