Colleen James

Tag: desires

  • Dwelling Place

    A house ornament

    My family and I recently came home after an extended stay out of town, and although the time away was pleasant in general, I felt homesick towards the end and looked forward to getting back home. Now that we’re here, however, I’m acutely reminded of the stresses and struggles that come with living in this space.

    We’ve been in this apartment complex for over two years now, and as the boys grow, this place gets smaller. The items in one of the kitchen cupboards are a haphazard heap, threatening to cascade to the counter below, and an avalanche of plastic cups, plates, and other containers is often unleashed by my toddler in yet another cupboard within his reach. This apartment is virtually impossible to childproof, and I find myself longing for a house of our own all the more as a result.

    There’s so much I want for my family that could potentially be fulfilled in a home. I want my boys to have a backyard in which to play and a neighborhood where they could freely ride bikes. Furthermore, I want to be able to throw Christmas parties and baby showers and to comfortably host out-of-town guests. But those dreams feel a long way off with no viable options in town, and I’m left longing for something better and wondering when things will change.

    JJ often reminds me to be grateful for what we have, which is a response I’m generally not too fond of. He’s right, though, and we have had special moments here that will make leaving this place bittersweet when that time comes. Nonetheless, I live under the constant stress of containers strewn across the floor and lack of storage space, and all I can do is bring my complaints before the Lord. And as I do, King David comes to mind as of late.

    The prophet Samuel anointed David as the next king of Israel fourteen to fifteen years before he would ever assume that position, and as David would wait for his role as king to become reality, he would face many hardships, often dwelling in caves and on the run for his life from the present-king Saul who sought to kill him. How must David have felt about his own waiting? Did he ever question his future or the timing of what God had shown him?

    While we aren’t necessarily given any answers to those questions, we certainly can read about all that he experienced in the book of 1 Samuel, and we are given access to his thoughts and feelings throughout that time in many of the Psalms that he penned.

    What most stands out to me in his Psalms is that, although his own feelings of sadness and discouragement are present, he never lost sight of God. He reminded himself of how God was his refuge and stronghold and deliverer. He saw God’s goodness in the midst of his trials.

    I originally thought to write this blogpost sharing about how David’s season of waiting (and all the hardships therein) prepared him to be king. I also planned to write about how, in that season of waiting, God would use him to bless and strengthen future generations in the faith through the Psalms that he would write. His wait was certainly not a waste of time, and neither is ours.

    As I write today, however, I feel most impressed by David’s hope in the Lord and not in any other thing. The words he penned in Psalm 16:11 are words I want to live by.

    You make known to me the path of life;
        in your presence there is fullness of joy;
        at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

    -Psalm 16:11 ESV

    My mindset begins to shift when I think of David’s attitude throughout his lifetime. God’s presence was with David, and he found fullness of joy in it. Similarly, God’s presence is with me in this place. His Spirit abides in me, so in essence, He has chosen to dwell with me here.

    All the sudden, this apartment becomes a place of worship. It is a place I can offer to the Lord, with all its imperfections and irritations, because everything belongs to Him in the end. I can pick up the plastic containers a second, third, and fourth time of the day knowing that I do it as unto my King. I can clean and organize as best as I can to worship Him and show gratitude for His providence and His continual presence with me here. And I can ask God again and again to help me let go of the trivial hardships of this place and to help me to focus on what He wants to do in and through me here. There is a purpose for me in this place, and God is not withholding good from me in setting me here for this season. May I learn to seek and to see Him all the more in this dwelling place and to understand the good work that He is doing in and through me specifically because I live here.

  • The Greater Gift

    Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com of wrapping paper and ribbons

    A few weeks ago, I was reminded of an anecdote about a father and son that I heard during a chapel service years ago. In the story, the father bought a blue, Schwinn bicycle for his son’s upcoming birthday, which he hid away in their barn. He then proceeded to ask his son what he would like for his birthday the following morning over breakfast. The son wasn’t sure, so the father suggested how nice it would be if his son had a bike to ride along the dirt roads and explore more of their farmland.

    A few days later, as the son began to want a bike, the father commented on how neat it would be for him to have a blue bike—his favorite color. A few days later, the father talked about what a good, reliable brand the Schwinn bikes were, and how amazing it would be if his son could have a blue, Schwinn bicycle. Soon, all the son could think about was owning such a bike.

    The day of the boy’s birthday arrived, and when the father finally pulled the blue, Schwinn bicycle out of the barn, the son was ecstatic. The father had succeeded in giving his son a desire to own such a bike, and then he fulfilled that desire by giving him the gift that he had already set aside for him before the son had ever dreamed about owning such a gift.

    The chapel speaker that day went on to explain how God does the same thing for us as the father in the story did for his son. When we delight in Him, He gives us the desires of our heart (He places desires within us), and then He gives us the desires of our heart (He fulfills those desires). Psalm 37 states it best:

    Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desire of your heart.”

    Psalm 37:4

    Ironically, as encouraging as the chapel service was that day, I walked around the campus the next few days feeling pensive as I fought back tears. That simple story shared in chapel had penetrated a tender area of my heart that I had boxed up and packed away years ago, and now I was forced to face its fragile contents and to recognize that perhaps I had wrongly stored them away. Could it be that God had really placed the things that I desired in my heart? And if so, how and when would He fulfill them? Did He really have good gifts already set aside for me?

    The idea that any of this could be true was like a soothing balm to my tattered heart, yet I found fear competing for my thoughts regarding all of this. Nonetheless, I knew that fear must not win.

    I ultimately asked God to help me unpack the dusty box of desires that had been sitting in the attic of my heart for all these years. I needed Him to help me sort through each item. I needed to know which desires had been given to me by Him so that I could display them in my mind as a masterpiece—a painted picture of a promise that would someday come true. Each God-given desire might not come to pass when I expected it to, and it might not even look like what I had imagined, but one thing was for certain—if God had placed a desire in my heart, then He would fulfill that desire in His timing and in His way. After all,

    God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?”

    Numbers 23:19

    Thinking of the story recently from chapel made me recall another story I heard many years ago at a campus meeting. The speaker that evening shared about a little girl whose father owned a silver dollar. He often times would take it out of his pocket in the evening to admire its shine, and his own daughter’s fondness for the coin grew each time he did. Soon, she was asking her father for a silver dollar of her own.

    This man worked a humble job, so he knew he couldn’t afford to buy such a gift for his daughter. He knew how much his little girl wanted a similar coin, however, so he decided to make her a deal one evening. If she could grab the coin out of his clenched fist, it would be hers.

    The little girl excitedly jumped into her daddy’s lap at the offer, giggling and bantering with him as she tried to wrestle the coin away. Twenty minutes later, however, her enthusiasm waned as the object remained in his hand. Just as she was ready to retreat to her room in disappointment, he opened his hand and willingly offered her the gift, much to her surprise and glee. As she took the silver dollar, she thanked him with a kiss on his cheek, then she hopped off his lap, giggling as she skipped to her bedroom to further admire her new treasure.

    Much like the chapel speaker, the campus speaker related this father to God. The truth is, the girl’s dad didn’t have to keep the coin from her for a time since he knew he’d offer it to her anyway. Nonetheless, he withheld it momentarily because he loved how her desire for the coin drew her closer to him.

    Perhaps it is no different with God. Any desire God has given us will be fulfilled in due time. But as we wait, our heavenly Father is offering us a greater gift. He is developing a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him as we cry out to Him from the depths of our yearning hearts. He is drawing us to Him as we wrestle with these unfulfilled longings, teaching us to trust Him in the waiting and producing patience, perseverance, and hope within us, which alone are good gifts from the Lord.

    As we yearn for any unmet desire, let’s ask God to help us desire Him most. Let’s ask Him to help us see the good gift He is offering us now—a deeper sense of His presence in our lives. Furthermore, let’s especially remember how this was made possible this Christmas season—because Jesus came to the earth as a baby so that He could ultimately die for our sins. He is the best gift that we could ever receive, so let’s celebrate Him and trust Him with all other longings.

    Come, Thou long-expected Jesus,
    born to set thy people free;
    from our fears and sins release us,
    let us find our rest in thee.
    Israel’s strength and consolation,
    hope of all the earth thou art;
    dear Desire of ev’ry nation,
    joy of ev’ry longing heart.
    Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus by Charles Wesley