Colleen James

Tag: process

  • Trust God in the Process

    My first artisan (non-sandwich) sourdough loaf

    I never thought I would be one of those people. It’s not that I had anything against them. I just viewed them as an exclusive group that seemed nearly impossible to join. For one thing, I couldn’t imagine ever knowing anyone within that circle. But even if I did, I had some semblance of understanding that it would take some work to stay in the club, and I wasn’t sure I was up for the task. But then a friend had me over last year, and as we caught up on each other’s lives, I realized she was part of this group. And soon, without me even asking, she was giving me a slice of fresh baked bread to eat, a loaf of bread to take home, and a starter to begin making the bread on my own. Before I knew it, I had been inducted into the club–the elite club of all things sourdough.

    About a week later, after reading information on the website to which my friend directed me and texting her a handful of times throughout the process, I had produced my first loaves of sourdough sandwich bread, and my family and I were hooked!

    As we ate the slightly sweet, chewy bread, I knew this needed to become a permanent part of our lives. Somehow, I kept up with making it even after the baby was born, but my sourdough making skills took a turn for the worse by that summer. The starter seemed to be deteriorating in health.

    I took it out of the refrigerator one day with the intention of feeding it every day and nursing it back to health. But instead, I forgot about it most days until I realized that the dreaded red mold,  which I had read so much about, had claimed my precious starter.

    This could have become the end to my sourdough journey, but by now this bread had become a staple to my family and me, so I decided I would simply make my own starter.

    Doing so proved to be simple enough. Add filtered water and unbleached flour to a jar each day, discarding some of the starter as it started to grow.

    There was nothing difficult about this process per se, but when I had to start feeding the starter twice a day, laziness and a lack of motivation set in. Fortunately,  I was nearly done with the process, so I mustered up what little sense of determination I had left and saw the process through. Today, my family and I enjoy fresh baked sourdough bread because of that starter I made back in July.

    Shortly after making more sourdough starter, I told a good friend in El Paso about the blogpost I was hoping to write about the experience (some writing projects sit in my head for a long time), and as I told her about all the steps and how I had to trust the process despite my own laziness, her response to me made all the difference. She simply spoke about trusting God in the process.

    The truth is, we can follow a process in order to see certain results, but even then, the results are not always guaranteed.

    Since joining several sourdough groups online, I’ve seen this to be the case with a few individuals who have followed the sourdough “rules” to a T. Their process has been perfect, but it hasn’t produced the intended results.

    This, of course, extends way beyond making sourdough.  We can “trust the process ” as far as relationships are concerned, or dieting,  or finding a job or being successful in life. And following a reliable process for any goal is certainly better than not trying anything at all. But if all our hopes and expectations are in what the end results of that process should be, then we could be setting ourselves up for potential disappointment,  because even the best processes can fail. They can fail, but God won’t.

    Lately, I find myself in the middle of a process that brings angst to my heart when I fail to surrender the end results to Him. I’m trying to self-publish a children’s book, and as I read various information about the process, nothing seems too clear cut to me. This, in turn, leaves me uncertain about what to do and how to proceed at times, and it’s easy to give into fear that this daunting process will only lead to disappointing results. But the idea of trusting God in this process brings a sense of calmness to my heart. I know I can honor Him by seeking His guidance and believing He will show me what to do. I can also ease my fears by asking God to make my primary motive to please Him and then seek to do so as I proceed.

    The end result to this process may not be all that I hope for it to be. But to know that God walks with me in it, ready to guide and teach me and bring further healing to my heart changes how I view the process. I don’t walk this path alone, and there will be plenty of adventures and treasures to unearth as I walk through the process with Him.

    Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

    Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

  • The Worth of the Wait

    Picture of the rosemary plant on my patio

    I had reached the point that I normally come to when dealing with potted rosemary. The plant was drying up and dying, and I knew I’d have to replace it soon. But then a friend came over and spoke of how hardy and drought resistant rosemary was. We soon came to the conclusion that I had actually been over watering the thing. I just needed to back off a bit and give it time.

    Another friend came over about a week later, and as we stood on the back patio while her young children blew bubbles, she took one look at my rosemary and exclaimed that she hoped I wouldn’t throw it out, affirming that it would grow back over time.

    Many weeks have passed since those two conversations now, and the lifeless sprigs have started to turn green again, much to my delight. As I continue to watch the plant and give it the time and space it needs, I’m left here wondering how many other times I’ve over watered different aspects of my life, thinking that I could somehow force those things to life when my actions only brought death to each area instead.

    Almost everything I’ve ever deeply desired in life has brought with it the temptation to over water in some way. The longer I wait for certain things to come to pass, the easier it is to give into fear. I start to wonder if God is holding out on me, and my flesh tries to trick my mind into believing that perhaps God isn’t so good to me after all.

    If I allow those fears to take root in my heart, the over watering begins. I seek to try to control my circumstances by manipulating them however I can.  But the truth is, we can never really control our circumstances, can we? Over watering any situation won’t bring about the desired outcome. If anything, it hinders the process of purification that God would bring about in our own lives through the waiting, and it easily hinders any progress toward the desired object as well.

    God really began to teach me a lot about the worth of waiting when I was single. I didn’t meet JJ until I was 34, so I had a lot of practice waiting (and hoping) for God to bring me a godly mate, but I had very little understanding of the worth of it all up until a few months before meeting JJ. Throughout the months leading up to meeting him, I kept thinking about fruit trees and how long that process can be for a sapling to start to produce fruit. It can take years before a fruit tree brings forth its first harvest, and the fruit tree owner must put in the effort to keep the tree alive and growing, all the while holding onto faith that his hard work will come to fruition someday. Nonetheless, all the work and waiting is worth it in the end with that first bite of fresh fruit, and the payoff is even sweeter knowing that the fruit tree will continue to produce fruit in the years to come.

    Fruit trees just don’t produce fruit in a day. But they can produce perseverance and patience and a deeper faith of the end result in the farmer each day, and in my own seasons of waiting, God has shown me how He wants to produce many of those same things in my own life as I wait. He has wanted to bless me richly, not just with an end result (and maybe not even with the end result at all), but with what the process of waiting would produce in me.

    Ironically, when JJ and I were dating, I compared our relationship to a rosemary plant, much like the one I have now. I had one on my kitchen counter at the time, and I knew that I needed to tend to JJ’s and my relationship like I did that plant. Both would take time to grow, and I needed to be patient, just like I need to with the potted rosemary plant on my patio right now.

    Much of life requires time in order for us to see growth, and it also requires the right amount of effort on our part as we trust that God is bringing about the progress that He desires for our lives. Some things just can’t be rushed. But most importantly, our seasons of waiting require us to trust that God is doing something far greater in us as we wait—He is in the process of producing spiritual fruit in us—fruit that will last for the years to come. And that, my friend, is worth the wait.

    For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

    Psalm 84:11 ESV