Colleen James

Tag: Trust God

  • Trust God in the Process

    My first artisan (non-sandwich) sourdough loaf

    I never thought I would be one of those people. It’s not that I had anything against them. I just viewed them as an exclusive group that seemed nearly impossible to join. For one thing, I couldn’t imagine ever knowing anyone within that circle. But even if I did, I had some semblance of understanding that it would take some work to stay in the club, and I wasn’t sure I was up for the task. But then a friend had me over last year, and as we caught up on each other’s lives, I realized she was part of this group. And soon, without me even asking, she was giving me a slice of fresh baked bread to eat, a loaf of bread to take home, and a starter to begin making the bread on my own. Before I knew it, I had been inducted into the club–the elite club of all things sourdough.

    About a week later, after reading information on the website to which my friend directed me and texting her a handful of times throughout the process, I had produced my first loaves of sourdough sandwich bread, and my family and I were hooked!

    As we ate the slightly sweet, chewy bread, I knew this needed to become a permanent part of our lives. Somehow, I kept up with making it even after the baby was born, but my sourdough making skills took a turn for the worse by that summer. The starter seemed to be deteriorating in health.

    I took it out of the refrigerator one day with the intention of feeding it every day and nursing it back to health. But instead, I forgot about it most days until I realized that the dreaded red mold,  which I had read so much about, had claimed my precious starter.

    This could have become the end to my sourdough journey, but by now this bread had become a staple to my family and me, so I decided I would simply make my own starter.

    Doing so proved to be simple enough. Add filtered water and unbleached flour to a jar each day, discarding some of the starter as it started to grow.

    There was nothing difficult about this process per se, but when I had to start feeding the starter twice a day, laziness and a lack of motivation set in. Fortunately,  I was nearly done with the process, so I mustered up what little sense of determination I had left and saw the process through. Today, my family and I enjoy fresh baked sourdough bread because of that starter I made back in July.

    Shortly after making more sourdough starter, I told a good friend in El Paso about the blogpost I was hoping to write about the experience (some writing projects sit in my head for a long time), and as I told her about all the steps and how I had to trust the process despite my own laziness, her response to me made all the difference. She simply spoke about trusting God in the process.

    The truth is, we can follow a process in order to see certain results, but even then, the results are not always guaranteed.

    Since joining several sourdough groups online, I’ve seen this to be the case with a few individuals who have followed the sourdough “rules” to a T. Their process has been perfect, but it hasn’t produced the intended results.

    This, of course, extends way beyond making sourdough.  We can “trust the process ” as far as relationships are concerned, or dieting,  or finding a job or being successful in life. And following a reliable process for any goal is certainly better than not trying anything at all. But if all our hopes and expectations are in what the end results of that process should be, then we could be setting ourselves up for potential disappointment,  because even the best processes can fail. They can fail, but God won’t.

    Lately, I find myself in the middle of a process that brings angst to my heart when I fail to surrender the end results to Him. I’m trying to self-publish a children’s book, and as I read various information about the process, nothing seems too clear cut to me. This, in turn, leaves me uncertain about what to do and how to proceed at times, and it’s easy to give into fear that this daunting process will only lead to disappointing results. But the idea of trusting God in this process brings a sense of calmness to my heart. I know I can honor Him by seeking His guidance and believing He will show me what to do. I can also ease my fears by asking God to make my primary motive to please Him and then seek to do so as I proceed.

    The end result to this process may not be all that I hope for it to be. But to know that God walks with me in it, ready to guide and teach me and bring further healing to my heart changes how I view the process. I don’t walk this path alone, and there will be plenty of adventures and treasures to unearth as I walk through the process with Him.

    Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

    Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

  • The Birds of the Air

    I took this picture of this nest the next time we went on a walk as a family after the big snowstorm here in Texas last year. Many people were without power for quite a few days, my sisters included. Here in El Paso, we were fortunate to keep our power. It sure did snow, however! A few days later, as the snow began to melt and the sun came out again, we went on a walk around the field by our house, and I was surprised to see this nest, completely covered from top to bottom in foliage except for a small opening on the side. It hadn’t been there a day or two before the storm hit, but here it was after the storm, a warm, little refuge to a bird and her eggs, I imagine. That image continues to serve as a reminder to me of God’s care for the littlest of creatures and His even greater care for us.

    Do You really care about me?

    My mind knew the answer to that question, but I needed God to reassure my heart of it.

    It didn’t have to be that way. I didn’t have to be having these doubts. But as we planned for a garage sale, prepared to put the house on the market, and searched for an apartment to live in come March, I allowed fear and anxiety to get the best of me, and I found myself striving to do everything in my own strength instead of leaning into God and trusting Him with my burdens, as I knew He longed for me to do.

    Nonetheless, even in the midst of my sinful attitudes and lack of trust, God was still gracious to me, providing the answer that I needed to hear once again.

    As I used the restroom where my son takes speech lessons, I was struck by God’s tender care of me as I stared at the painting on the wall. I’ve seen this painting dozens of times before, but now I saw it in a new light, filled with symbolism and significance, because through it, God’s answer to my question was staring back at me.

    The picture was a simple painting on wooden slats that depicted three birds in a barren, wintry tree, and I was immediately reminded of Jesus’ words regarding birds in Matthew, as follows:

    Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? “

    Matthew 6:26

    Furthermore,

    Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

    Matthew 10:29-31

    As I headed to my car to wait for my son’s session to end that day, I searched for a song that I had heard on Christian radio many times before, then I listened to it over and over again as I silently cried in the parking lot and asked God to help me trust Him.

    I won’t say that life was all the sudden perfect. I still faced a bit of anxiety a few days later, and I had to ask God to help me be calm and to trust that everything would be completed according to His will. Nonetheless, it makes a big difference to deliver those feelings over to God and to recognize how He is walking with us in all our challenges, ready to lead us and to show us His goodness as we trust Him with each step.

    Lately, my family and I have been seeing so much of His goodness in the midst of what mainly feels like chaos as of late, and I’m reminded of the lyrics to the song that I listened to in the parking lot over a week ago, the one that continues to run through my head when I awake each morning and throughout the rest of the day:

    You hold me in Your hands
    With a kindness that never ends
    I'm carried in Your love no matter what the future brings

    -Sparrows by Cory Asbury

    We’ve seen His kindness through a successful garage sale, His provision of an apartment in a town with very scarce options (when I called the apartment complex, the first move-in availability was the exact date we were planning to move), and through what is appearing to be a successful sale of our house (we put the house on the market last Friday and received a generous offer that following Monday). And as I look at the future and all the tentative events and plans of this year, I see God’s generosity written all over it and know that I am blessed beyond measure.

    Although there still seems like so much to do, and although this fast pace of life does not promise to slow down anytime soon, I am learning to see more and more how much we truly are carried in His love, no matter what the future brings. I only need to walk with Him and let Him determine the pace. And when fear and anxiety threaten to get the best of me, I only need to trust that He is working everything out behind the scenes, just as He has been revealing to me as the details with this move have become clearer.

    If He can care about little birds and lilies in fields, then He surely cares about us humans—the very ones made in His image and whose Son died for our sins so that we could live with Him eternally if we believe. We don’t have to fend for ourselves. We don’t have to live this life trying to figure it out on our own. Let’s trust Him with this new year, no matter what it may bring. He knows how to shower us with His goodness, regardless of our circumstances, so let’s place our hand in His and walk with Him through this journey, receiving whatever good gift and whatever valuable lesson He may bring to us along the way.