Colleen James

Tag: trust

  • In Season

    I’ll eventually put another plant in the pot, but for now, the fake flower will do! 😀 Picture of three plants and a fake, purple flower.

    For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

    Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV

    My tulip bulbs didn’t bloom again. It’s not too surprising, however, since I didn’t do any research to know when and how to plant them. I simply stuck them in a pot of dirt on our patio when Liam and I were planting seeds over a month ago. Then I watered them and hoped for the best.

    Now, weeks later, the rest of the plants have sprouted and are really starting to thrive, but the bulbs remain a potted patch of dirt. Come to think of it, I vaguely recall reading about planting them in the fall when I was originally researching how to take care of the bulbs after their first blossoms. Apparently, timing really does make a difference. Timing and the right kind of care, in this case.

    Being greeted by that barren plot of dirt each day as I water the rest of the patio plants has made me consider the importance of planting in season. This is certainly true for gardening, of course, but I can’t help but think it applies to so much more than that, too.

    Lately, JJ and I have been talking about some dreams that we would like to pursue in the near future. God seems to have planted certain desires in our hearts,  and those longings only appear to grow as we ask God to mold our hearts to His.

    Nonetheless, it is not quite the right season to plant in the physical world the desires that have been planted in our hearts, so we hold onto these hopes like seeds, watching and waiting for God to direct us to when planting season is here.

    Thinking about the dried-out bulbs is the encouragement I’ve needed these days to trust God when I grow weary of this watching and waiting. JJ and I could try to force things to conform to our desires now, but we know it would be foolish. Much like the tulip bulbs, our efforts would render little result if we didn’t let God determine the right season. Our labor would be in vain of God wasn’t in it (Psalm 127:1).

    Knowing that the good gifts God wants to give us will flourish in the right, God-ordained season brings me a sense of stillness, and as we wait on Him to receive these God-given dreams, I can rest assured that He is preparing the soil and climate of our lives to entrust us with those good gifts in due time. He is the Master Gardener; He does not plant a seed simply for the soil to remain barren. So, as I stare at this “patch of dirt” in my own life, seeds of hopes and dreams in hand, I’ll keep looking to Him and trusting that He will show both JJ and me when to plant. And I’ll trust that, in due time, we’ll have a beautiful garden by God’s help because we waited on Him for the right season.

    Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”

    Psalm 27:14 ESV

  • Ebbs and Flows

    Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com of the ocean waves rolling into the shore

    “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

    Job 1:21b ESV

    My oldest son suffered a concussion in late March. He was in PE at school when it happened. Apparently, he got a little carried away with the activity at hand and slipped backwards, impacting the back of his head on concrete.

    The school nurse called to let me know, explaining that she had put ice on the area then later sent him back to class after the pain had subsided. Although it didn’t sound like he needed me to come get him, I decided to pick him up anyway. I figured he probably needed the emotional support if his fall was as bad as it sounded.

    He was called to the school office after I arrived, his eyes bloodshot from crying.

    “Can I see you, Mom?” he then asked.

    I chuckled nervously at such a bizarre question, but then grew concerned.

    “I don’t know. Can you see me?’

    He kept pointing to his right eye, so I covered his left one and asked him again, to which he responded that he couldn’t. Soon after, we were on our way to the emergency room after a quick detour to leave the baby with JJ, who was fortunately home that afternoon.

     The ER was packed that day, and I feared we would have a long wait. Thankfully, we got into triage soon enough, and the medical staff put Liam into a room right away thereafter. Soon, he was taken to get a CT scan. As we waited for the results in his assigned room, he experienced a host of other worrisome symptoms. His arm felt weird and his mouth felt soft (his descriptions), and he all the sudden felt hot, was drowsy, and at one point wanted to throw up. Fortunately, all of these symptoms, alongside his eyesight, cleared up before we left the emergency room that day, and his CT scan did not show any brain injury either. The medical staff diagnosed it as a concussion and gave us precautions to follow for the rest of the week. He stayed home from school the following day.

    On Wednesday, I hesitantly took him back to school, making sure that his PE coach and teachers knew he was not to run or be too active per the doctor’s orders. Although he seemed to be just fine after school that day, he got sick with something unrelated that night and had to stay home the following day. Fortunately, he recovered quickly and was back to school by Friday.

    We had a fairly normal weekend, but then CJ got sick on Monday night with the stomach bug, and I caught it from him that Tuesday. A few days later, JJ started to feel sick, too. CJ developed an ear ache around this time and started antibiotics, and we all were starting to feel well once again. I was glad to have this all behind us. But the following weekend, Liam was not feeling himself, and he caught what seemed to be yet another stomach bug just a few days later. And just as he had recovered from that, he caught pink eye and had to stay home from school once again. During all this, I took CJ back to urgent care, as his ear infection did not resolve itself through his initial round of antibiotics, and as of last night, it was determined at the ER that he must be allergic to the new antibiotics he just started, as he developed a rash and has been having stomach pains also, which may or may not be from the allergy. Time will tell.

    It has been a hard season, and lately I have been feeling discouraged and depleted.

    Back in January, as my family and I were experiencing a different set of inconveniences, I was tempted to peg this year as a bad one. Fortunately, I have lived long enough to recognize that, as hard as a year may be, it’s not all bad. Each year has its set of joys and sorrows. Much like the ocean, life is full of ebbs and flows.

    Lately, as we experience this waning as a family—as the “tide” recedes beyond our reach, I think of how much I need to release to God what I’ve only ever had an illusion of grasping. Now is the time to surrender to Him once more. It’s the moment to ask Him for the willingness to be flexible and for the desire to do His will. Moments like these make us remember that all good things come from God and belong to Him in the first place. Am I willing to surrender these good gifts back into His hands?

    I won’t lie. I don’t really like to be in this place. But while I’m here, I hope I can make the most of it. I pray I can seek to worship God in it. And as I learn to surrender to Him in this season of ebbing, I trust that His love, joy, peace, and so many other good gifts will flow into my life from His good hand.

    “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

    James 1:17 ESV

  • Beach Musings

    Photo by Pexels of a sunset at the ocean and a person working on the shore

    Fear not, for I am with you;
        be not dismayed, for I am your God;
    I will strengthen you, I will help you,
        I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    Isaiah 41:10

    We went to the beach earlier this summer. JJ was granted paternity leave at his work, so we took advantage of it to make some memories as a family.

    Once at the beach, Liam plopped down under the shade of the umbrella we had set up and got to work on building a sand castle. He had already told us innumerable times on the way there that he did not want to get into the water, and he was determined to stay as far away from it as he could. I knew he was scared.

    In the meantime, JJ and I took turns between watching the baby and dipping our toes into the cool ocean water, all the while beckoning Liam to join us. As fearful as he felt in the moment, we knew he’d love the ocean if only he would step into the water. We kept trying to convince him that we would keep him safe. We wouldn’t leave him. We would hold his hand. Still, his fear gripped him, and he seemed incapable of believing us or even understanding.

    Finally, after fifteen minutes or so, I told Liam he would have to at least clean the sand off of his arms and legs with the salty, ocean water before we left, so he immediately got up and did so. He must have mistakenly thought that we would immediately leave thereafter.

    But then it happened. He let the waves wash over his toes and discovered just how much he enjoyed it.

    Soon he was skirting between the ocean and shore as he gleefully let the waves chase after him. Then he dared to go in even further, accompanied by his father, as he allowed the water to inch up to his calves. And shortly after that, the two were sitting along the shoreline, letting the rolling waves approach them and knock them back like a puppy rushing up to his owner in excitement upon his owner’s return.

    We stayed at the beach much longer than we intended to that day, and when we finally gathered up our belongings so that we could leave, Liam complained about having to go. He understood from the beginning the dangers of the ocean, but now he discovered a newfound love at the beach that required him to move beyond merely sitting in the sand.

    I don’t know what made me think of this time at the beach a couple of days ago. It seemed so out of the blue.  But I do know this–the memory makes me want to mentally prepare for whatever may come.

    The truth is, most of us probably prefer to sit in the sand making sandcastles in a figurative sense. Not only is it fun and familiar, but it feels safe and is an activity that can easily be controlled. The ocean, on the other hand, is unpredictable, uncontrollable, and certainly could not be considered safe beyond the shallows (and sometimes not even then). But there is an adventure to be lived past the shore, and if Jesus is beckoning us to walk with Him amidst the waves, He must have good things for us in store. It’s not to say we won’t experience hardships nor that the waves won’t inundate us at times, but even then, God will be with us. He will never leave us. He won’t let go of our hand.

    Years ago, I told myself I would not allow fear to dictate my future, and I have experienced some incredible moments and grown deeper in my faith when I have consciously lived this way. As I think of Liam’s own initial fear of the water and how it almost kept him from experiencing something incredible himself, I want to be ready to say yes to whatever plans God has for me, despite any initial fears. Because making sand castles is fun, but I believe God has a greater adventure in store yet.