Colleen James

Tag: trusting God

  • Problems and Promises

    Problems and Promises

    View of a sunset from outside our apartment in early June

    Before we moved to Kentucky, I stumbled upon a message from a Christian podcaster and author named Susie Larson who talked about occupying our “Promised Land.” In her video, she mentioned how Abraham went to the promised land as a foreigner and how it took faith for him to live there as such. 

    As I listened to her message just weeks away from our own move, I tucked away her message in my mind and the lingering idea that we may very well have our own challenges upon arriving to a new state.  I would soon realize just how true that was.

    We left Uvalde, Texas on May 30th a little before 6 a.m. in the middle of our first trial. Our youngest son was on antibiotics for an ear infection and was barely eating because his mouth also hurt. Listening to his occasional cries of pain as I drove was heartbreaking, and trying to coordinate times to give him his antibiotics and painkillers was a bit tricky too. Nonetheless, we made it through that first day and finally settled into a hotel room for the night a little past seven.

    By 9 p.m., we were ready to sleep when the smoke detector began to chirp. After I located the only hotel staff member on site, both she and JJ tried to resolve the issue, but it continued to sound despite new batteries. So, we were finally transferred to another room and got to bed around 11 that night.

    The next day, we got a later start and made it to our next hotel with no issues around five. CJ was also feeling much better. But just as we were settling down for the night, he threw up on the bed, resulting in several trips downstairs to obtain fresh bedding from the front desk. Fortunately, he slept through the night and seemed to be just fine by the next day. 

    The third day was to be our shortest drive, and I was looking forward to a relatively stress-free day. Twenty minutes in, however, it started to rain and didn’t let up the entire journey. At times, the downpour was so bad that I could barely see. 

    I would later discover that both JJ and I were thinking the same thing as we made that final leg of the journey. We were convinced by now that we were facing spiritual warfare.

    The rain stopped shortly after we arrived to our beautiful, new apartment, and JJ and I moved our stuff into the place as Liam watched CJ in our bedroom, the smoke detector incessantly chirping the whole time. 

    An hour or so later, the maintenance man fixed the smoke detector, fortunately. Unfortunately, it would randomly go off six times within the first two weeks of living here. The last incident we’ve experienced so far was on Sunday morning, and it went off four times in a row, waking the whole family (Is it a coincidence that we found the church we plan to attend here later that day? I think not!).

    In between these last two weeks, we’ve also experienced frustration as we’ve stood in long lines to get new drivers licenses and to deal with car registration, only to walk away empty-handed and with the knowledge that we’ll have to try all over again.

    Although most of these issues have been minor inconveniences that have been especially disheartening due to being newcomers in a relatively unfamiliar place, we’ve also faced some greater challenges more recently. 

    Last weekend, the toe that CJ ran over with his tricycle in the spring started hurting again after he accidentally stepped on it, and I ended up having to have the nail removed on Monday, which has caused me a lot of pain. And just as the pain was beginning to subside, CJ jumped off his bed yesterday and sprained his foot. 

    Home after the toe nail removal.

    I’d be lying to suggest that I haven’t been discouraged by all of these things. Lately, I’ve been praying for God’s protection and no more harm to my family or me.

    And yet, in the midst of all these hardships here, I still believe God has called us to this place. I still believe He has a good future for us here. And I’m still holding onto the verse that Susie Larson included in her video weeks ago and that was scrawled upon a stone that an older gentleman gave me at church earlier this year, that “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him” (I Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭9‬b NKJV‬‬).

    I pray that we grow in our love for God and know Him deeper through this season as we watch Him work on our behalf and for His glory, seeing Him do what no eye has seen and holding onto the promise in Romans 8.

    We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

    Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭CSB‬‬

  • Beach Musings

    Photo by Pexels of a sunset at the ocean and a person working on the shore

    Fear not, for I am with you;
        be not dismayed, for I am your God;
    I will strengthen you, I will help you,
        I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    Isaiah 41:10

    We went to the beach earlier this summer. JJ was granted paternity leave at his work, so we took advantage of it to make some memories as a family.

    Once at the beach, Liam plopped down under the shade of the umbrella we had set up and got to work on building a sand castle. He had already told us innumerable times on the way there that he did not want to get into the water, and he was determined to stay as far away from it as he could. I knew he was scared.

    In the meantime, JJ and I took turns between watching the baby and dipping our toes into the cool ocean water, all the while beckoning Liam to join us. As fearful as he felt in the moment, we knew he’d love the ocean if only he would step into the water. We kept trying to convince him that we would keep him safe. We wouldn’t leave him. We would hold his hand. Still, his fear gripped him, and he seemed incapable of believing us or even understanding.

    Finally, after fifteen minutes or so, I told Liam he would have to at least clean the sand off of his arms and legs with the salty, ocean water before we left, so he immediately got up and did so. He must have mistakenly thought that we would immediately leave thereafter.

    But then it happened. He let the waves wash over his toes and discovered just how much he enjoyed it.

    Soon he was skirting between the ocean and shore as he gleefully let the waves chase after him. Then he dared to go in even further, accompanied by his father, as he allowed the water to inch up to his calves. And shortly after that, the two were sitting along the shoreline, letting the rolling waves approach them and knock them back like a puppy rushing up to his owner in excitement upon his owner’s return.

    We stayed at the beach much longer than we intended to that day, and when we finally gathered up our belongings so that we could leave, Liam complained about having to go. He understood from the beginning the dangers of the ocean, but now he discovered a newfound love at the beach that required him to move beyond merely sitting in the sand.

    I don’t know what made me think of this time at the beach a couple of days ago. It seemed so out of the blue.  But I do know this–the memory makes me want to mentally prepare for whatever may come.

    The truth is, most of us probably prefer to sit in the sand making sandcastles in a figurative sense. Not only is it fun and familiar, but it feels safe and is an activity that can easily be controlled. The ocean, on the other hand, is unpredictable, uncontrollable, and certainly could not be considered safe beyond the shallows (and sometimes not even then). But there is an adventure to be lived past the shore, and if Jesus is beckoning us to walk with Him amidst the waves, He must have good things for us in store. It’s not to say we won’t experience hardships nor that the waves won’t inundate us at times, but even then, God will be with us. He will never leave us. He won’t let go of our hand.

    Years ago, I told myself I would not allow fear to dictate my future, and I have experienced some incredible moments and grown deeper in my faith when I have consciously lived this way. As I think of Liam’s own initial fear of the water and how it almost kept him from experiencing something incredible himself, I want to be ready to say yes to whatever plans God has for me, despite any initial fears. Because making sand castles is fun, but I believe God has a greater adventure in store yet.

  • Like Abraham and Sarah

    Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.””

    Genesis 12:1 ESV
    Photo taken by my sister in her new dwelling place looking at the ocean

    My younger sister moved overseas last week. She married a wonderful, godly man in early June, and he has felt lead to pursue a profession in medicine for quite some time, so they resigned from their jobs earlier this month, got rid of most of their personal belongings, and packed their bags to move to the foreign country where he will be studying this fall.

    Not long before their departure, I asked my sister if she would have ever imagined her life to turn out like this, knowing full well what her answer would be. No, she could have never imagined these things. Our conversation reminded me of a blogpost I wrote several years ago, where I reminisced over some thoughts I wrote down as a single woman pondering what lengths I would go to in order to be with the man I loved. The truth is, we are willing to go to extremes for the sake of love, and she is living proof of that. But even more importantly, their shared love for God and a desire to do His will has caused them to take bold leaps of faith and to follow Him into the unknown, and they trust that His love for them will sustain them there.

    I can’t help but think of Abraham and Sarah when I think of their situation. God told Abraham to leave his country, kindred, and father’s house and to go to the land where God would show him. Similarly, God has called my sister and her husband to leave their country, kindred, and father’s house, and although they knew where they would initially go, they must wait for God to show them the land where He will take them in the end—the place that they will call their home.

    This chapter of their story is just beginning to unfold, of course. We have yet to see the script that God has already written for them in this current season. But I can’t help but think that their lives might mimic that of Sarah and Abraham’s also in that God may give them new identities as He further shows them their purposes along this path.

    Back in the spring, I thought a lot about the story of the rich young ruler who asked Jesus what he must do to be saved. JJ applied for a position in Puerto Rico around that time, and we were considering the implications of such a move. Our situation felt like déjà vu since we had considered a move to the island a couple of years prior to this. The only difference was that there would be no withdrawing of JJ’s application this time around. We felt committed to moving to Puerto Rico this year if that was what God had in store for us, and considering the fact that I was in my third trimester and was excited about the possibility of such a move, I believed it really might be what God intended for us.

    As I considered the possibility and looked around at all of our possessions, knowing we would have to get rid of most of them, I kept thinking of the story of the rich young ruler like I did when we first considered moving to the island. This time, however, I saw the story in a new light.

    The story is as follows:

    18 And a ruler asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 19 And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. 20 You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’” 21 And he said, “All these I have kept from my youth.” 22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 23 But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. 24 Jesus, seeing that he had become sad, said, “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! 25 For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” 26 Those who heard it said, “Then who can be saved?” 27 But he said, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.””

    Luke 18:18-27 ESV

    I’ve understood for quite some time that Jesus was asking the rich younger ruler to sell everything he had and to follow Him because He did not want this young man to have any idols. None of us can truly follow Jesus with a divided heart.  But I realized something else as I thought of this story anew. Not only did Jesus want to rid this man of any idols, but He also wanted to rid him of a false sense of identity, ultimately offering this young man a new identity in Him.

    My sister and brother-in-law have essentially accepted the offer that Jesus gave to that rich young ruler centuries ago. It’s not that their salvation is dependent on it, nor is their identity in Christ, as they already established these things in the moment that they came to faith in Him. Nonetheless, God has a way of giving us clarity in who we are in Him when all the “clutter” is taken away.

    This couple has been stripped of their sense of identity at their former employments (and the financial security those jobs brought), their status as citizens, and any earthly possession that may have given them some sort of sense of self. But they have willingly done so to follow Him, and it is through that letting go that they will more deeply grasp ahold of who they are in Him and all that He has in store for them in this season of life. And quite frankly, I can’t wait to see what all that means for them in this journey.

    23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”

    Luke 9:23-24 ESV

  • Puzzle Pieces and Personal Plans

    Picture of my oldest doing a children’s puzzle

    A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

    Proverbs 16:9

    Liam and I worked on a number of puzzles in the spring. He has been given several over the years that are age appropriate for him (3-5 years old), so I have especially enjoyed working on these simple puzzles with him. He has enjoyed them too, although I cannot say that they have necessarily been easy for him.

    In April, as we tried to put each puzzle together, I would often find him trying to pound two pieces together, using his tiny fist as a hammer. In his little mind, he had found two puzzle pieces that were meant to be together, so he would force them together, no matter the effort. Then, when I would point out to him that the pieces were not intended to fit together and tried to take them apart, he would become upset with me and try to keep the puzzle pieces out of my grasp. He had worked hard to put them together, so that is how they would stay!

    I became discreet in taking the puzzle pieces apart over time, and eventually we would create the image that the puzzle was intended to be. It just took lots of time and patience.

    Today, Liam doesn’t struggle as much with his puzzles. He seems to understand the color schemes more and how the pieces work together. He is also starting to grasp the idea of a bigger picture, and he has done these puzzles enough to know what that bigger picture should be. It doesn’t mean he has mastered piecing puzzles together entirely. They are still a bit of a challenge to him. Nonetheless, he is able to hold onto each puzzle piece a little more loosely as he seeks out the perfect fit for each piece.

    Although we don’t work on puzzles too much anymore due to time constraints, the image of Liam pounding puzzle pieces together has come to my mind over the last few months, because I realize with a sense of conviction that I am not much different than Liam was last spring when it comes to doing puzzles.

     I think I have been doing puzzles in my mind for most of my life. I hold different pieces in my hands at different times—puzzle pieces representing my desires, dreams, goals, expectations, etc. The problem is, the puzzle pieces strewn out in front of me, most commonly known as reality, don’t always fit together with the ones I grasp onto ever so tightly in my hands. And because of that, I am left with the desire to try to pound all of them together anyway in a desperate attempt to create what I believe to be the perfect picture of puzzle pieces for my life. But just like Liam has had to learn that there is a specific color scheme and pattern which each puzzle piece is meant to be part of, I sense God asking me to trust that all of my puzzle pieces are meant to be part of a specific color scheme and pattern as well. A God-ordained one. And just like Liam has learned that each properly placed puzzle piece will eventually form a perfect picture, I sense God inviting me to trust that He is intricately and intentionally piecing my puzzle pieces together to form a picture that is far more perfect than I could ever make it out to be—a picture that is even greater than my own story and that will far outlast my lifetime, all for His glory.

    As we enter this new year, I am very aware of all the new puzzle pieces I bring into it with me. I have new goals, new dreams, and things that I eagerly anticipate about this year and that I pray will come to pass. But I am also aware of my need to hold onto each puzzle piece loosely—to hold my hands open in worship to God with each piece surrendered to Him. Because in the long run, I can’t be certain of how each of my puzzle pieces will fit together or if I will even like where each one goes. But I can be certain of this—the end result will be worth it. The final picture will be splendid and glorious and more magnificent than I could ever fathom. And in the end, I’ll be glad that I surrendered each puzzle piece to God and that He chose me to be a part of this beautifully exquisite puzzle in the making.

  • Pit Stops

    Picture of gray clouds lined by streaks of pink and a black, asphalt road sprawling out before the viewer

    The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

    Proverbs 16:9

    I considered sharing this news in several ways but decided that being direct was the best route.

    We’re moving.

    In mid-December, JJ got an offer for a position that he had applied for over the summer, and he decided to accept it. We’ll be moving to a small town around seven hours east of here in early March.

    Although I’m happy we’ll be living within a couple of hours of my family in San Antonio, I’m saddened to leave El Paso for all the momentous highs and lows we’ve experienced here.

    El Paso is the city that JJ and I moved to as newlyweds. It’s the city where I went mountain biking with him for the first time, we had countless of barbecues over the grill outside our first apartment, I spent numerous hours with a friend swimming in our apartment pool, and where I got a job as an interpreter that provided me the most breathtaking view of the Franklin mountains each morning I drove to work.

    It’s the city where JJ and I discovered that we were going to be parents and where we attended birthing classes and began to prepare for and anticipate life with a little baby. It’s also the city where our baby boy was finally born, where I became a stay-at-home mom, and where we discovered the hardships and joys of having a newborn and then a toddler who is now almost four.

    JJ and I bought our first house here and turned it into a home, and we’ve seen a lot of firsts here ever since. First steps. First words. First holidays as a family.

    It was here in El Paso that Liam was admitted to the hospital for a couple of nights and diagnosed with an illness that caused him to be on medication for nearly an entire year. Much of my social life was stripped away from me during that time as JJ and I sought to protect Liam’s immune system as best as we could. But it was also here where God blessed me with incredible friendships during that period of time. One friend came to visit weekly, and another group of dear friends came monthly for a Saturday afternoon potluck. I came to realize how life-giving friendships could be during that time, and I’ll forever be grateful to these friends (and others) for how they helped to bring me through a rough year.

    It is here where, after Liam fully recovered his health in December 2019, we entered into the pandemic with the rest of the world a few short months later. Despite all the restrictions life threw us at that time, however, my friends and I still found ways to connect, doing Bible studies together or baking and doing crafts together online. And then there were the drop-offs of baked goods or presents to each other at our front doors in 2020. We connected even more deeply over our shared hardship, and God used these challenges to cause us to experience spiritual growth.

    As I remember all the epic moments that my family and I have personally experienced here thus far and all the beautiful reconnections of 2021, I recognize how much God has both blessed JJ and me and stretched our faith as He has taught us to trust Him more deeply. Much like the actual wilderness that El Paso is, God has brought us through a wilderness experience in our spiritual journey here these last few years. We’ve been reminded more profoundly that He is enough and that He is faithful. As uncomfortable as our journey has been at different points of time here, He has continued to provide for us and to remind us that He has journeyed with us every step of the way.

    When I think about all of the incredible moments that my family and I have experienced here in El Paso, a popular saying comes to mind. All good things must come to an end. Fortunately, as believers, we know that this phrase is not really true. As much as this good thing of living in El Paso is coming to an end for my family and me, another popular phrase rings truer for those of us in Christ Jesus.

    The best is yet to come.

    The truth is, any place in which we make our dwelling in this life is only a pit stop on our spiritual journey here on earth. Our Forever Home awaits us, and we know that only what is good and true and pure will welcome us in that place.

    As my family and I begin to pack and prepare for this next move, and as I deal with my own uncertainties and fears in the process, I am comforted to remember that this next place is only a pit stop on this road trip of life. Furthermore, it brings me greater comfort to know that God has placed this specific town on the map of my own spiritual journey. He knows exactly how He will provide for my family and me in this new town, and He knows what treasures we will unearth there and the friendships we will gain.

    As bittersweet as it is to say farewell to El Paso and our friends here and everything this place has represented to us, I trust that God is leading our every step to this new place, and I trust that He is good. So, we will move forward by His help and through His strength, looking forward to all that He has in store.

    Some of my favorite views in El Paso. Image 1: large boulders and the wilderness beyond them. Image 2: a fountain at The Fountains shopping area. Image 3: A whimsical, yellow tree at the sports plex. Image 4: Christmas decorations at the Fountains shopping area