God’s Presence in Motherhood

Recently I’ve been reminded of how lonely motherhood can be. I first realized it when my oldest son was a newborn, then again only a year later when he was diagnosed with an illness that nearly lasted that entire year. And now I’m recognizing this truth once again as I cradle another new baby in my arms. In these early stages especially, it is easy to feel left out as I am forced to step away from fellowship at times to tend to my little one and his needs. Motherhood can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be.

I took Liam to the park a lot the year he got sick. It seemed like a safe place to enjoy fresh air, have fun, and to be around relatively few people considering germs were a concern.

Nearly every day, I would push him back and forth on the baby swing since it was the only thing he liked about the park at the time. And nearly every day, as the morning faded away, a small band of women would stroll into the park, their toddlers in tow, as they set up lunch together under the shaded picnic table just yards away from the swings. It never seemed to be the same group of women, but it was always the same scene—a small group of women eating lunch together and enjoying each other’s company as their children played.

As I watched this scene unfold day after day, I started to feel more and more sorry for myself. Seeing these different women each day reminded me of the social activities that I had been forced to give up in order to protect my son’s health, and I felt so isolated, left out, and alone. But as I was sorting out these thoughts one day while mindlessly pushing my son on the swing, I felt God’s presence especially close to me, and I sensed Him whispering to me how much He enjoyed being with me.

The thought caught me off guard and made me want to cry, in all honesty. Up until that point, I had subconsciously (and mistakenly) been believing that just because I couldn’t invite a lot of people into my life at that time, few people really wanted to be part of my life. I saw all the hard things about that season and easily assumed that most people couldn’t or wouldn’t enjoy being a part of our lives because of those hard times. But God reminded me that day how much He enjoyed being present with me—in the hard seasons as well as the good ones, and everything in between. He enjoyed being with me in each and every moment because He loved me, and I was His.

Recognizing these things brought so much healing to my heart that day, and thinking about it now helps me to see motherhood in a different light today. Although I may have to step away from others to tend to my baby, I’m not stepping away from God. And although my conversations with others may be so full of interruptions that I may not even get to finish a thought, God discerns my thoughts from afar (Psalm 139:2). He delights in this season in which He has placed me, and He has given me ways to connect with Him in the roles and responsibilities to which He has entrusted me. I just have to keep remembering how present He is with me at this time in life, especially when I can’t be present with others like I would like to be. And I have to trust that these moments of separation from others are ways in which He is sanctifying me, calling me into fervent prayer and a deeper dependence on Him. He is with me. He is with us. And ultimately, it is His fellowship that we need.

 O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
² You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
³ You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.

Psalm 139:1-3 ESV