Dwelling Place

My family and I recently came home after an extended stay out of town, and although the time away was pleasant in general, I felt homesick towards the end and looked forward to getting back home. Now that we’re here, however, I’m acutely reminded of the stresses and struggles that come with living in this space.

We’ve been in this apartment complex for over two years now, and as the boys grow, this place gets smaller. The items in one of the kitchen cupboards are a haphazard heap, threatening to cascade to the counter below, and an avalanche of plastic cups, plates, and other containers is often unleashed by my toddler in yet another cupboard within his reach. This apartment is virtually impossible to childproof, and I find myself longing for a house of our own all the more as a result.

There’s so much I want for my family that could potentially be fulfilled in a home. I want my boys to have a backyard in which to play and a neighborhood where they could freely ride bikes. Furthermore, I want to be able to throw Christmas parties and baby showers and to comfortably host out-of-town guests. But those dreams feel a long way off with no viable options in town, and I’m left longing for something better and wondering when things will change.

JJ often reminds me to be grateful for what we have, which is a response I’m generally not too fond of. He’s right, though, and we have had special moments here that will make leaving this place bittersweet when that time comes. Nonetheless, I live under the constant stress of containers strewn across the floor and lack of storage space, and all I can do is bring my complaints before the Lord. And as I do, King David comes to mind as of late.

The prophet Samuel anointed David as the next king of Israel fourteen to fifteen years before he would ever assume that position, and as David would wait for his role as king to become reality, he would face many hardships, often dwelling in caves and on the run for his life from the present-king Saul who sought to kill him. How must David have felt about his own waiting? Did he ever question his future or the timing of what God had shown him?

While we aren’t necessarily given any answers to those questions, we certainly can read about all that he experienced in the book of 1 Samuel, and we are given access to his thoughts and feelings throughout that time in many of the Psalms that he penned.

What most stands out to me in his Psalms is that, although his own feelings of sadness and discouragement are present, he never lost sight of God. He reminded himself of how God was his refuge and stronghold and deliverer. He saw God’s goodness in the midst of his trials.

I originally thought to write this blogpost sharing about how David’s season of waiting (and all the hardships therein) prepared him to be king. I also planned to write about how, in that season of waiting, God would use him to bless and strengthen future generations in the faith through the Psalms that he would write. His wait was certainly not a waste of time, and neither is ours.

As I write today, however, I feel most impressed by David’s hope in the Lord and not in any other thing. The words he penned in Psalm 16:11 are words I want to live by.

You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

-Psalm 16:11 ESV

My mindset begins to shift when I think of David’s attitude throughout his lifetime. God’s presence was with David, and he found fullness of joy in it. Similarly, God’s presence is with me in this place. His Spirit abides in me, so in essence, He has chosen to dwell with me here.

All the sudden, this apartment becomes a place of worship. It is a place I can offer to the Lord, with all its imperfections and irritations, because everything belongs to Him in the end. I can pick up the plastic containers a second, third, and fourth time of the day knowing that I do it as unto my King. I can clean and organize as best as I can to worship Him and show gratitude for His providence and His continual presence with me here. And I can ask God again and again to help me let go of the trivial hardships of this place and to help me to focus on what He wants to do in and through me here. There is a purpose for me in this place, and God is not withholding good from me in setting me here for this season. May I learn to seek and to see Him all the more in this dwelling place and to understand the good work that He is doing in and through me specifically because I live here.