Colleen James

Blog

  • The Weight of My Worth

    Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com of feet standing on a scale

    I stopped weighing myself daily almost two months ago. Deep down inside, I knew it was an unhealthy habit for me since I allowed the number on the scale to dictate my initial thoughts and feelings of the day. Nonetheless, I justified my actions, fearing I would let myself go and gain back all the weight I had lost over the years if I didn’t keep up the practice. But then Liam said something one day that made my heart sink. At only five years of age, he was becoming a little too concerned about his own weight.

    Right then, I knew I had to change. I needed to break free from the lies I was believing so that my children would not also be held captive to these same false thought patterns. The next morning, I steered clear of the scale though temptation beckoned me to step onto it several times throughout the day. The second day was much the same, and by day three, I silently tucked the scale away to try to silence the temptation, but the struggle was still the same. These simple acts merely brought my deep-seated issues to the surface. The battle had just begun.

    The following weeks forced me to recognize just how much I had put my worth in my weight, but God also gave me clarity during that time to recognize some of the reasons for which this stronghold formed in the first place. Crazily enough, the enemy took details from my birth to begin to form false perceptions about my body in my mind. Whenever my mom would tell people how much I weighed at birth (she gave birth to me naturally without an epidural, so it was no small feat!) people were always so shocked by how big I was, and their responses added to the insecurity I already felt as an overweight child.

    The enemy didn’t stop there, however. His deceptive narratives continued to coil themselves around my young heart, trying to suffocate me. And naively, as a baby Christian, I accepted them to be true.

    Today, as I consider my story so far and the battle that has been waged regarding my worth, I’m forced to face the fact that I have allowed these parasitic lies to roam freely within me for far too long. Fortunately, things don’t have to stay that way, and by God’s help, they won’t.

    Recently, I’ve recognized just how much God has been helping me to be aware of my thoughts throughout the day. Before, my own self judgment over a number on the scale would have been in my mind front and center, keeping me from hearing the fainter yet equally harmful thoughts penetrating my mind. But now I hear those ideas clearly and am learning to take them captive so that they will not take captive of me. This whole process is showing me a whole host of thoughts from which I must repent and other areas of my life where I also need to be free.

    In addition to seeking to be mindful of my thoughts and any falsehood therein, I am also trying to establish a right relationship with food. Lately, I try to focus on health and hope that my children will learn to make that their motivation when it comes to eating and exercise too. It’s not to say that I’m giving up sweets, but I try to limit my intake and to better listen to what my body needs. These new habits, in turn, are teaching me more about walking with God and trusting that He will help me to be healthy if I surrender this area of my life to Him. He wants to help me. He wants to give me wholeness in every area of my life. So, I continue on, perhaps stumbling at times but learning along the way, because nothing can compare to true freedom and the abundant life made possible in Him, and those things will be mine when I find my worth in Him alone.

    I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

    Psalm 139:14 ESV

  • The Worth of the Wait

    Picture of the rosemary plant on my patio

    I had reached the point that I normally come to when dealing with potted rosemary. The plant was drying up and dying, and I knew I’d have to replace it soon. But then a friend came over and spoke of how hardy and drought resistant rosemary was. We soon came to the conclusion that I had actually been over watering the thing. I just needed to back off a bit and give it time.

    Another friend came over about a week later, and as we stood on the back patio while her young children blew bubbles, she took one look at my rosemary and exclaimed that she hoped I wouldn’t throw it out, affirming that it would grow back over time.

    Many weeks have passed since those two conversations now, and the lifeless sprigs have started to turn green again, much to my delight. As I continue to watch the plant and give it the time and space it needs, I’m left here wondering how many other times I’ve over watered different aspects of my life, thinking that I could somehow force those things to life when my actions only brought death to each area instead.

    Almost everything I’ve ever deeply desired in life has brought with it the temptation to over water in some way. The longer I wait for certain things to come to pass, the easier it is to give into fear. I start to wonder if God is holding out on me, and my flesh tries to trick my mind into believing that perhaps God isn’t so good to me after all.

    If I allow those fears to take root in my heart, the over watering begins. I seek to try to control my circumstances by manipulating them however I can.  But the truth is, we can never really control our circumstances, can we? Over watering any situation won’t bring about the desired outcome. If anything, it hinders the process of purification that God would bring about in our own lives through the waiting, and it easily hinders any progress toward the desired object as well.

    God really began to teach me a lot about the worth of waiting when I was single. I didn’t meet JJ until I was 34, so I had a lot of practice waiting (and hoping) for God to bring me a godly mate, but I had very little understanding of the worth of it all up until a few months before meeting JJ. Throughout the months leading up to meeting him, I kept thinking about fruit trees and how long that process can be for a sapling to start to produce fruit. It can take years before a fruit tree brings forth its first harvest, and the fruit tree owner must put in the effort to keep the tree alive and growing, all the while holding onto faith that his hard work will come to fruition someday. Nonetheless, all the work and waiting is worth it in the end with that first bite of fresh fruit, and the payoff is even sweeter knowing that the fruit tree will continue to produce fruit in the years to come.

    Fruit trees just don’t produce fruit in a day. But they can produce perseverance and patience and a deeper faith of the end result in the farmer each day, and in my own seasons of waiting, God has shown me how He wants to produce many of those same things in my own life as I wait. He has wanted to bless me richly, not just with an end result (and maybe not even with the end result at all), but with what the process of waiting would produce in me.

    Ironically, when JJ and I were dating, I compared our relationship to a rosemary plant, much like the one I have now. I had one on my kitchen counter at the time, and I knew that I needed to tend to JJ’s and my relationship like I did that plant. Both would take time to grow, and I needed to be patient, just like I need to with the potted rosemary plant on my patio right now.

    Much of life requires time in order for us to see growth, and it also requires the right amount of effort on our part as we trust that God is bringing about the progress that He desires for our lives. Some things just can’t be rushed. But most importantly, our seasons of waiting require us to trust that God is doing something far greater in us as we wait—He is in the process of producing spiritual fruit in us—fruit that will last for the years to come. And that, my friend, is worth the wait.

    For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.”

    Psalm 84:11 ESV

  • Too Deep For Words

    Photo from the WordPress Free Photo Library of the bottom of a well looking up

    Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”

    Romans 8:26-27 ESV


    Lately I have found comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us. I’m glad He does, because I can’t find the right words to pray as of late.

    With all the atrocities happening around the world today, I ask God to comfort those who mourn, but the words sound so trite to my ears. They just aren’t enough, and I can’t find any words that are.

    I especially am encouraged that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words, because some circumstances are too deep for words. Fortunately, God is able to meet us in those circumstances. He is able to minister to the one who is suffering.

    Like Corrie Ten Boom once said, “No pit is so deep that He is not deeper still.”

    He has not abandoned anyone. He is not operating out of plan B. He knows His purposes and will accomplish them according to His will and for His glory. And He will comfort all who look to Him and be their strength.

    These are the things I need to remember as I pray, and to know that the Spirit’s intercession is perfect and never falls short where my words often do.

  • White Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Latte

    Warm pumpkin spice and sweet, creamy white chocolate intermingle with rich, hot coffee and milk for this special treat. Photo of the pumpkin drink

    I have been dreaming up recipe ideas as of late. Literally. It has been delightful and unexpected, although I suppose I should not be too surprised. After all, it’s that time of year again where I come up with some sort of cookie recipe to enter into the annual Christmas cookie competition. Also, I have a happy and healthy baby boy at home that loves to nurse and often times leaves me feeling ravenous, so I guess it makes sense that food would be a big deal in my subconscious at this stage of life. 😉

    The idea I dreamed about just yesterday was a white chocolate pumpkin spice latte. It sounded so good when I woke up yesterday morning that I knew I had to try making it that day. Fortunately, I had all the ingredients I figured I would need on hand. I even had heavy whipping cream to make whipped topping! So, I brewed up some extra strong coffee and got to work, and I’m pretty pleased with the end results. I hope you will be too. Here’s the recipe:

    WHITE CHOCOLATE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE

    Ingredients:

    • 1 c milk of choice (I used unsweetened oatmilk)
    • 2 to 4 squares (1 to 2 oz) white chocolate baking bar (I used Ghirardelli), depending on desired sweetness
    • 1/4 t pumpkin pie spice, plus more for garnish if desired
    • 2 T pumpkin puree
    • 1 c strong brewed coffee
    • Whipped cream (optional)

    Instructions:

    Heat milk over medium heat along with the white chocolate, pumpkin pie spice, and pumpkin puree, stirring regularly. Continue to heat through until the chocolate is melted and all the ingredients are thoroughly combined. Add the strong brewed coffee and stir, then serve up in a cup or two with whipped cream and a shake or two of additional pumpkin pie spice, if desired. Makes 1 to 2 cups.

  • Italian Seasoned Meatballs over Veggies and Rice

    Picture of Italian seasoned meatballs over veggies and rice

    I wasn’t necessarily planning on preparing a recipe to include in my blog when I whipped up this meal. All I knew is that I had some veggies in the fridge to use up and a package of frozen meatballs in the freezer, so I threw it all together with some seasoning and served it over rice. And voila! This meal was born.

     Minutes later, my family and I were eating this dish, and they couldn’t stop raving about how good it was. What really made me decide to include this here, however, was the fact that my five-year-old told me that I should, much to my surprise (I didn’t know he paid attention to such things)!

    Since I originally used a package of meatballs for this meal, I decided I would try making my own before publishing this recipe, and although my family loved my first attempt, the recipe still wasn’t quite right to me. Fortunately, after some alterations and yet another meatball dinner, we all loved the end results!

    Although I love all of my recipes to varying degrees, this undoubtedly is one of my favorites and will be on repeat for dinner from here on out. It’s savory, a bit tangy, and oh so good! So, without further ado, I present to you…

    ITALIAN SEASONED MEATBALLS OVER VEGGIES AND RICE

    Rice:

    • ½ T olive oil
    • 1 ½ c rice
    • Italian dressing and seasoning mix
    • 1 chicken bouillon cube, crushed
    • 3 c water

    Meatballs:

    • 1 lb. ground beef
    • 1 T Italian seasoning
    • 1 t minced garlic
    • 1/2 T steak seasoning
    • 1/2 T Worcestershire sauce
    • 1/2 c Italian style bread crumbs
    • 1 egg

    Veggies:

    • 2 zucchinis
    • Squash
    • Broccoli
    • 1 ½ T olive oil
    • ½ T Montreal steak seasoning
    • ½ lemon, juice of

    Hummus Sauce:

    • ½ c hummus
    • ½ lemon, juice of
    • 2 T water
    • 1 t garlic minced

    Instructions:

    To prepare the rice, heat the olive oil over the stove in a medium to large sauce pan, then add the rice and sauté. Once golden, stir in the Italian dressing and seasoning mix and the crushed bouillon cube. Once combined, add the water and cook, uncovered, on medium heat until the water begins to boil, then cover with a lid and cook on low heat for twenty minutes or until the water has evaporated and the rice is soft.

    Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Chop the veggies and drizzle with oil in a mixing bowl then add the Montreal steak seasoning and combine well. Spread over a baking sheet and place in the oven for 15 minutes. Once finished cooking, drizzle the lemon juice over the veggies and mix together.

    For the meatballs, mix together the beef, Italian seasoning, minced garlic, Montreal steak seasoning, Worcestershire sauce, breadcrumbs, and egg. Shape 2 tablespoons of beef into meatballs then cook on a parchment lined baking sheet for 15 minutes or until cooked through. Makes 16 meatballs.

    Prepare the hummus sauce by mixing together the hummus, lemon juice, water, and minced garlic together.

    To serve, place rice on each plate then add the veggies and meatballs and drizzle with the hummus sauce. Serves up to four plates.

  • Beach Musings

    Photo by Pexels of a sunset at the ocean and a person working on the shore

    Fear not, for I am with you;
        be not dismayed, for I am your God;
    I will strengthen you, I will help you,
        I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

    Isaiah 41:10

    We went to the beach earlier this summer. JJ was granted paternity leave at his work, so we took advantage of it to make some memories as a family.

    Once at the beach, Liam plopped down under the shade of the umbrella we had set up and got to work on building a sand castle. He had already told us innumerable times on the way there that he did not want to get into the water, and he was determined to stay as far away from it as he could. I knew he was scared.

    In the meantime, JJ and I took turns between watching the baby and dipping our toes into the cool ocean water, all the while beckoning Liam to join us. As fearful as he felt in the moment, we knew he’d love the ocean if only he would step into the water. We kept trying to convince him that we would keep him safe. We wouldn’t leave him. We would hold his hand. Still, his fear gripped him, and he seemed incapable of believing us or even understanding.

    Finally, after fifteen minutes or so, I told Liam he would have to at least clean the sand off of his arms and legs with the salty, ocean water before we left, so he immediately got up and did so. He must have mistakenly thought that we would immediately leave thereafter.

    But then it happened. He let the waves wash over his toes and discovered just how much he enjoyed it.

    Soon he was skirting between the ocean and shore as he gleefully let the waves chase after him. Then he dared to go in even further, accompanied by his father, as he allowed the water to inch up to his calves. And shortly after that, the two were sitting along the shoreline, letting the rolling waves approach them and knock them back like a puppy rushing up to his owner in excitement upon his owner’s return.

    We stayed at the beach much longer than we intended to that day, and when we finally gathered up our belongings so that we could leave, Liam complained about having to go. He understood from the beginning the dangers of the ocean, but now he discovered a newfound love at the beach that required him to move beyond merely sitting in the sand.

    I don’t know what made me think of this time at the beach a couple of days ago. It seemed so out of the blue.  But I do know this–the memory makes me want to mentally prepare for whatever may come.

    The truth is, most of us probably prefer to sit in the sand making sandcastles in a figurative sense. Not only is it fun and familiar, but it feels safe and is an activity that can easily be controlled. The ocean, on the other hand, is unpredictable, uncontrollable, and certainly could not be considered safe beyond the shallows (and sometimes not even then). But there is an adventure to be lived past the shore, and if Jesus is beckoning us to walk with Him amidst the waves, He must have good things for us in store. It’s not to say we won’t experience hardships nor that the waves won’t inundate us at times, but even then, God will be with us. He will never leave us. He won’t let go of our hand.

    Years ago, I told myself I would not allow fear to dictate my future, and I have experienced some incredible moments and grown deeper in my faith when I have consciously lived this way. As I think of Liam’s own initial fear of the water and how it almost kept him from experiencing something incredible himself, I want to be ready to say yes to whatever plans God has for me, despite any initial fears. Because making sand castles is fun, but I believe God has a greater adventure in store yet.

  • Like Abraham and Sarah

    Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.””

    Genesis 12:1 ESV
    Photo taken by my sister in her new dwelling place looking at the ocean

    My younger sister moved overseas last week. She married a wonderful, godly man in early June, and he has felt lead to pursue a profession in medicine for quite some time, so they resigned from their jobs earlier this month, got rid of most of their personal belongings, and packed their bags to move to the foreign country where he will be studying this fall.

    Not long before their departure, I asked my sister if she would have ever imagined her life to turn out like this, knowing full well what her answer would be. No, she could have never imagined these things. Our conversation reminded me of a blogpost I wrote several years ago, where I reminisced over some thoughts I wrote down as a single woman pondering what lengths I would go to in order to be with the man I loved. The truth is, we are willing to go to extremes for the sake of love, and she is living proof of that. But even more importantly, their shared love for God and a desire to do His will has caused them to take bold leaps of faith and to follow Him into the unknown, and they trust that His love for them will sustain them there.

    I can’t help but think of Abraham and Sarah when I think of their situation. God told Abraham to leave his country, kindred, and father’s house and to go to the land where God would show him. Similarly, God has called my sister and her husband to leave their country, kindred, and father’s house, and although they knew where they would initially go, they must wait for God to show them the land where He will take them in the end—the place that they will call their home.

    This chapter of their story is just beginning to unfold, of course. We have yet to see the script that God has already written for them in this current season. But I can’t help but think that their lives might mimic that of Sarah and Abraham’s also in that God may give them new identities as He further shows them their purposes along this path.

    Back in the spring, I thought a lot about the story of the rich young ruler who asked Jesus what he must do to be saved. JJ applied for a position in Puerto Rico around that time, and we were considering the implications of such a move. Our situation felt like déjà vu since we had considered a move to the island a couple of years prior to this. The only difference was that there would be no withdrawing of JJ’s application this time around. We felt committed to moving to Puerto Rico this year if that was what God had in store for us, and considering the fact that I was in my third trimester and was excited about the possibility of such a move, I believed it really might be what God intended for us.

    As I considered the possibility and looked around at all of our possessions, knowing we would have to get rid of most of them, I kept thinking of the story of the rich young ruler like I did when we first considered moving to the island. This time, however, I saw the story in a new light.

    The story is as follows:

    18 And a ruler asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 19 And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. 20 You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’” 21 And he said, “All these I have kept from my youth.” 22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 23 But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. 24 Jesus, seeing that he had become sad, said, “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! 25 For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” 26 Those who heard it said, “Then who can be saved?” 27 But he said, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.””

    Luke 18:18-27 ESV

    I’ve understood for quite some time that Jesus was asking the rich younger ruler to sell everything he had and to follow Him because He did not want this young man to have any idols. None of us can truly follow Jesus with a divided heart.  But I realized something else as I thought of this story anew. Not only did Jesus want to rid this man of any idols, but He also wanted to rid him of a false sense of identity, ultimately offering this young man a new identity in Him.

    My sister and brother-in-law have essentially accepted the offer that Jesus gave to that rich young ruler centuries ago. It’s not that their salvation is dependent on it, nor is their identity in Christ, as they already established these things in the moment that they came to faith in Him. Nonetheless, God has a way of giving us clarity in who we are in Him when all the “clutter” is taken away.

    This couple has been stripped of their sense of identity at their former employments (and the financial security those jobs brought), their status as citizens, and any earthly possession that may have given them some sort of sense of self. But they have willingly done so to follow Him, and it is through that letting go that they will more deeply grasp ahold of who they are in Him and all that He has in store for them in this season of life. And quite frankly, I can’t wait to see what all that means for them in this journey.

    23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”

    Luke 9:23-24 ESV

  • Seeds of Prayer

    Photo by Akil Mazumder on Pexels.com of a person holding a sprout in his hand
    




    “Where’s heaven?”
    




    “Where’s hell?”
    




    “Was Jesus a skeleton after He died? What does it mean to rise again?”
    




    “Will Daisy (my sister’s dog) be in heaven? Will [my friends] be in heaven?
    




    “Will we have skin in heaven?”
    




     school started last week, and the questions above are just a few of the spiritual questions he asked me one after another on the short ride to school each day that first week. On Thursday, as the questions continued and I tried to answer them as best as I could, tears streamed down my face while we waited at a stoplight.
    




    I see how God is working in my son’s heart to give him such a spiritual curiosity, and I feel so humbled and grateful to catch glimpses of the work He is doing in Liam’s heart.
    




    I can’t help but muse over how differently this school year has started compared to last year. Last fall, I cried most of the semester over how much my son was struggling in nearly every way. I cried and prayed and wondered if things would ever change. And praise be to God, they finally did! He made the verse that I clung to and prayed for to be true for my family and me.
    




    

    Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
    
Psalm 30:5b
    




    This year, he’s much more ready in all of those different aspects and seems to be thriving so far. But what I’m grateful for most is how eager he is to be a spiritual learner, and although he still lacks a complete understanding of the gospel, I’m so thankful for the spiritual concern he has for himself and his friends as he seeks to understand.
    




    If you read my blogpost from February about my son’s fifth birthday (found here: http://anticipatingadventure.com/2023/02/22/five-years-old/), you know I have been praying for quite some time that God would give Liam a gift and heart for evangelism. It is a prayer that I fully believe God placed upon my heart to pray for him ever since he was a baby, so I get encouraged by moments like these that seem to foreshadow what is to come.
    




    As I drove home from school after dropping Liam off that Thursday, I couldn’t help but think how much I would like to encourage other moms to pray for their children and the purposes that God has for them also. To be able to pray for God’s will regarding our children and then to see hints of Him working in their lives to fulfill those prayers is such a delight. It makes me all the more eager to ask God to show me how to pray for Liam’s baby brother. He already has a purpose for him. He already did before our little CJ was born, and praying for my kids to know Jesus personally and to fulfill God’s purposes for their lives is one of the best ways I could ever invest in them, so I want to invite other mothers to do the same and to leave a lasting legacy on the next generation by doing so.
    

    
			
    
		
    
		
	
  • 
		
		
    
			
			
    No Bake Mini S’mores Cheesecake
    
			
    

    Picture of the mini s’mores cheesecakes
    




    At the beginning of summer break, my son asked me to make a s’mores pie. I had never heard of such a thing, but I was instantly intrigued by my son’s creative idea and became determined to come up with a recipe deserving of such a title.
    




    Well, it turns out that s’mores pie is not so unique after all. A quick internet search that evening had me swimming in recipes donning the title. Nonetheless, I still wanted to create my own creative version of this dessert, so here it is.
    




    Although I originally planned to make this dessert in a pie tin, I quickly reverted to using a muffin tin and making mini cheesecakes instead. I liked the idea of a no bake dessert for these hotter days, and I also wanted an individual-sized dessert to better help with portion control, so that is how this dessert came to be.
    




    This recipe consists of a buttery graham cracker crust topped with a smooth chocolate ganache and a creamy marshmallow cheesecake layer on top. It is the perfect summer dessert for a casual family gathering, or serve it at a formal event simply by making the ganache the top layer and then topping it with toffee bits, nuts, or freeze-dried fruit.
    




    This dessert is rich and creamy with a little bit of crunch and a whole lot of deliciousness. Recently, my neighbors got to try it without ever knowing it was my own recipe, and they couldn’t stop raving about how good it was. So, if you don’t trust my word word it, trust theirs! It’s a dessert you won’t want to miss out on!
    




    




    NO BAKE MINI S’MORES CHEESECAKE 
    




    Ingredients:
    




      

    • Cooking spray
      • 




    • 1 sleeve graham crackers (approximately 1 ½ c)
      • 




    • 1 t cinnamon
      • 




    • 1/3 c brown sugar
      • 




    • 6 T butter, melted
      • 




    • 11.5 oz milk chocolate chips*
      • 




    • 3 T light corn syrup
      • 




    • 1 ¼ c heavy whipping cream, divided
      • 




    • 1 package cream cheese, room temperature
      • 




    • ½ t marshmallow flavoring OR vanilla extract
      • 




    • ¼ c powdered sugar
      • 




    • 7 oz marshmallow crème
      • 




    • Optional toppings: toffee bits, drizzled chocolate, chocolate shavings, mini marshmallows, graham cracker crumbs, freeze-dried fruit, etc.
      • 

    




    Instructions:
    




    Pulse the graham crackers in a food processor until they turn into crumbs, then place in a mixing bowl with the cinnamon, brown sugar, and melted butter and stir until combined. Place approximately two tablespoons of the mixture in each greased muffin tin,** pressing down and slightly up the sides of each muffin tin. Place in the freezer to allow to set.
    




    In the meantime, place the chocolate chips and corn syrup in a sauce pan over medium low heat and stir to combine. Once the chocolate chips start to melt, slowly add ¾ c heavy whipping cream, stirring constantly until completely combined with the melted chocolate. Remove from heat and set aside to slightly cool.
    




    While the ganache is cooling, beat together the cream cheese, marshmallow flavoring (or vanilla extract), and powdered sugar with an electric mixer until the mixture is creamy. In another mixing bowl, beat the remaining ½ c heavy whipping cream until fluffy and peaks start to form. Add the whipping cream into the cream cheese mixture and beat once again until combined.
    




    To assemble the mini cheesecakes, place a spoonful of the chocolate ganache over the graham cracker crust, then spoon a layer of the cream cheese filling over the chocolate layer. Or, if preferred, spoon the cream cheese layer over the graham cracker crust first and top with the ganache. Add any optional toppings desired, then set in the freezer for 2 to 3 hours to allow to set (if using fruit, wait to add until before serving).
    




    Once ready to eat, slowly trace around each muffin tin with a butter knife, then pry each cheesecake out by the graham cracker crust. Makes 12.
    




    *The milk chocolate chips can be substituted for  semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips.
    




    **Alternatively,  you can use muffin liners. I did half of my cheesecakes using this method. Just be sure to spray the liner with cooking spray first to make it easier to remove the liner agyer
    

    
			
    
		
    
		
	
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    God’s Presence in Motherhood
    
			
    

    Picture of my hand holding my son’s 
    




    Recently I’ve been reminded of how lonely motherhood can be. I first realized it when my oldest son was a newborn, then again only a year later when he was diagnosed with an illness that nearly lasted that entire year. And now I’m recognizing this truth once again as I cradle another new baby in my arms. In these early stages especially, it is easy to feel left out as I am forced to step away from fellowship at times to tend to my little one and his needs. Motherhood can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be.
    




    I took Liam to the park a lot the year he got sick. It seemed like a safe place to enjoy fresh air, have fun, and to be around relatively few people considering germs were a concern.
    




    Nearly every day, I would push him back and forth on the baby swing since it was the only thing he liked about the park at the time. And nearly every day, as the morning faded away, a small band of women would stroll into the park, their toddlers in tow, as they set up lunch together under the shaded picnic table just yards away from the swings. It never seemed to be the same group of women, but it was always the same scene—a small group of women eating lunch together and enjoying each other’s company as their children played.
    




    As I watched this scene unfold day after day, I started to feel more and more sorry for myself. Seeing these different women each day reminded me of the social activities that I had been forced to give up in order to protect my son’s health, and I felt so isolated, left out, and alone. But as I was sorting out these thoughts one day while mindlessly pushing my son on the swing, I felt God’s presence especially close to me, and I sensed Him whispering to me how much He enjoyed being with me.
    




    The thought caught me off guard and made me want to cry, in all honesty. Up until that point, I had subconsciously (and mistakenly) been believing that just because I couldn’t invite a lot of people into my life at that time, few people really wanted to be part of my life. I saw all the hard things about that season and easily assumed that most people couldn’t or wouldn’t enjoy being a part of our lives because of those hard times. But God reminded me that day how much He enjoyed being present with me—in the hard seasons as well as the good ones, and everything in between. He enjoyed being with me in each and every moment because He loved me, and I was His.
    




    Recognizing these things brought so much healing to my heart that day, and thinking about it now helps me to see motherhood in a different light today. Although I may have to step away from others to tend to my baby, I’m not stepping away from God. And although my conversations with others may be so full of interruptions that I may not even get to finish a thought, God discerns my thoughts from afar (Psalm 139:2). He delights in this season in which He has placed me, and He has given me ways to connect with Him in the roles and responsibilities to which He has entrusted me. I just have to keep remembering how present He is with me at this time in life, especially when I can’t be present with others like I would like to be. And I have to trust that these moments of separation from others are ways in which He is sanctifying me, calling me into fervent prayer and a deeper dependence on Him. He is with me. He is with us. And ultimately, it is His fellowship that we need.
    




    

     O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
    2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
        you discern my thoughts from afar.
    3 You search out my path and my lying down
        and are acquainted with all my ways.
    
Psalm 139:1-3 ESV